New Avengers: Off Duty
by Erikthephantom07
Summary: Because sometimes saving the world is not the number one priority. A series of vignettes in the lives of the original New Avengers. Pre-Civil War. T for occasional language. New Chapter: Because every addiction needs a replacement. Please Review!
1. Mile High Club

**Title: **New Avengers: Off Duty

**Author: **Erikthephantom

**Characters:** Tony, Peter, Logan, Luke, Jessica Drew, Steve

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing nor am I making a profit off of this…unlike _some_ people in a certain Civil War…

**Mile High Club**

"Are we there yet, Tony?" Spider-man sighed, slamming his head into the cushioned headrest of the Quinjet.

"Not yet, Peter..." answered the metallic voice from the front seat, slightly masking the growing frustration felt by Tony Stark toward one Peter Parker. They had been flying for nearly two hours and were nearing their destination, but the weather over the Atlantic was such that even Tony wanted to take it easy, at least a little bit. Of course, for the past one hour Peter had begun to amuse himself by asking that one question dreaded by all drivers.

The other Avengers were content to amuse themselves in ways more conducive to a confined cockpit. Logan had chosen the second half hour of their journey to rant about how Ororo Munroe could control the weather and get the damned Blackbird to its damned destination unlike _some _tin-headed people and how he was even beginning to prefer "the boy scout's" flying to _other_ people with authority issues. Then he had gone into the back.

Luke was patiently attempting to explain to Jessica why Solitaire was the most pointless game in the world while Jessica ignored him, playing Solitaire.

Captain America was sitting in one of the back seats, his head tilted slightly and a content smile on his face with his shield across his chest, fast asleep.

And so, with the only person capable of intelligent conversation snoozing in the back, Tony was stuck with an antsy Spider-man in the passenger seat. Needless to say, his piloting was becoming a bit more reckless, desperate as he was to reach their destination.

Peter placed his feet on the highly advanced and very sensitive dashboard, causing Tony to audibly grind his teeth together.

"Seriously, boss, if you're gonna take us out in the jet shouldn't you at least check the weather channel?"

"Peter," Tony said, breathing deeply, "This suit is linked to whatever I need. I have been checking the weather. A lot. But I can't change it and I'm trying to get around it. Did you even notice that the flight's smoother than it was twenty minutes ago?"

"No," Peter said, pouting. "I'm a little too fixated on the nice pizza and a movie MJ and I had planned, since I promised her we'd be back early since it was apparently only a half hour flight."

"Jess, this is ridiculous!" Luke's voice rose from the back.

"Luke…" Tony warned.

"The damn deck of cards just beat me! How can a d_eck of cards_ beat me?"

"You're right, Luke," Jessica said, her voice dripping with malice. "It's a game for the mind, so why did I bother to show you how to play?"

"Hey, if you two don't keep it down I'll send you back with Logan."

"And how would you make us do that, Tony? I could definitely take you, even in your armor."

"I've got one word for you, Stark: pheromones."

"I could use some of that right now," Tony muttered to himself, his hand clenching on the gear.

"Advanced _hearing_, Stark!" Logan called from the back room.

"Magneto on _speed dial_, Logan!"

"Advanced hearing," Peter said, shaking his head. "That would be miserable. I mean, can you imagine? You probably can't even sleep. I know I wouldn't be able to sleep if I had that. I can barely get to sleep now if Mary Jane starts snoring. Ack! Don't tell her I told you she snores, boss, she'd kill me. Advanced hearing. How could you ever get any peace? It'd be this constant droning in your ear of people just talking and talking and it'd never stop! God, I'd kill myself, you know what I mean?"

"I know _exactly_ what you mean."

"So are we there yet?"

"No. Not yet."

"Dammit, Jess, I don't know what you're doing but I'm done with this!" Luke cried, smacking the seat with his palm. "Aw damn."

"You know you're liable for any damages that may occur to this jet as a result of your carelessness, right Cage?"

"Yes, mom."

"Haha! My line! Good one, Luke!"

"Oh my God…"

"What's wrong, boss? Another storm cloud?"

"Potentially fatal, I hope."

"Lighten up, man," Peter chuckled, shifting his position for the thousandth time.

"Oddly enough, before this whole new team thing that fate apparently dreamed up I was a very light-hearted kinda guy," Tony growled.

"I don't believe that. Every time I saw you on the news you always looked so serious."

"Believe it, Pete," Tony said seriously. "You of all people know that the media sees what it wants to see, so you have to make sure it only sees what _you_ want it to. Off of the news I'm a pretty laid-back guy. Just ask Emma Frost," he added quietly with a smirk.

"What's that now?" Logan asked, poking his head through the door.

"Whoa, Wolvie, you're a little green. Don't like flying?"

"Shut it or lose it, webhead. What's this about Emma Frost?"

"Nothing," said Tony, a little too quickly.

Jess and Luke looked up from their Solitaire battle as Logan made his slow way from the back of the jet. Peter pulled up his mask, everyone except Steve looking at Tony with rapt attention.

"You didn't?" Luke asked, edging closer to the pilot.

"He did," said Jess in disbelief.

"Don't sound so surprised," Tony huffed. "I'm not completely repulsive, you know. Not like Logan, at least."

_Shtik._ "Watch it, bub."

"_You_ watch it, Logan, I'm flying, unless you care to give it a shot after you skewer me."

The claws retracted. "Y'know, just cos I'm a bit scruffy don't mean the chicks don't dig me."

Peter snorted. "Oh yeah, the girls _love_ the 5"3, impossibly hairy, smells-like-dead-raccoon thing these days. I can't get MJ to stop begging me to quit showering."

_Shtik_. "He ain't flying."

"Oh be my guest," Tony responded cheerfully.

"Thanks a lot, boss," Peter growled as he propelled onto the windshield. "Come too close, Wolvie, and you'll brush the ultra-sensitive big-kid dashboard touch-screen and then kapowie! We all go down in flaming glory."

"Am I the only one still thinking of Emma Frost?" Luke asked angrily.

"I think we've moved to Logan's love life, now," Jess said with interest.

"Let's not," Peter shuddered. "Gives me the heebie-jeebies, thinking of some poor girl drunk enough to -"

"Parker-!"

"Touch-screen! Touch-screen!"

"Y'know, I've been around Deadpool before and even he's not as annoying as you!" Logan cleared his throat. "That's actually not true. The guy's a nut."

"There's a fellow who gets a lot of tail," Luke mused sagely.

"Shockingly enough as it is," Logan agreed unhappily. "With Terry he could probably do it while flying."

"Big deal," Tony muttered with a condescending laugh.

The rest of the Avengers stared at him. "What?" He asked with a shrug. "You can't own a private jet and _not_ be part of the mile high club. It's just wrong."

"This is a private jet, isn't it?" Jess asked evenly. Tony craned his head around from the controls, his mask retracting to show his face.

"Jess if you're thinking what I'm definitely imagining right now, I can put this thing on autopilot," he said, half rising out of the pilot's chair.

"Sit down, Iron Man. We don't know each other well enough yet," she chuckled, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"Sweet Christmas," Luke muttered, turning to look out the window.

"I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife," Peter was mumbling, digging his fists into his eyes.

"I ain't drivin, darlin, if you wanna just sneak in the back," Logan shrugged with a smirk.

"If not Tony, Logan, then definitely not you," she answered, proudly making her way back to Solitaire. Tony squared his shoulders with a grin and lowered his mask, which soon after emitted a metallic sound similar to humming.

"Smug bastard," Logan growled, storming off to recuperate in the back room. Shaking his head, Luke sat down next to Captain America to try to take a nap. Peter plopped back down in the passenger seat, glancing at Tony before pulling down his mask. The metallic humming continued and Tony's thumbs were even tapping on the controls. The weather was clearing, they'd managed to kill time without irritating him any further, and Jessica had said "yet." Not only that, but Tony's mind was wandering to his own private jet, and thoughts of the pole dancing stewardesses made him sigh in content.

"Mmm…" a quiet voice emitted from next to Luke. Steve had a content smile on his face. "C-47, 1944."

"Huh?" Peter asked, poking his head over the headrest. Tony just chuckled.

"Hey, boss?"

"Yeah, Pete?"

"Are we there yet?"


	2. Silence Is Gold Titanium Alloyen

**Characters: **Tony, Steve, Peter, Luke, Logan, Jessica Drew

_With guest appearances by_: Mary Jane Watson, Jessica Jones

**Silence Is Gold-Titanium Alloy-en **

Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Tony couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he knew there was _something_. He glanced around the main lobby of what was now the Avengers' floors of his Tower.

Tony leaned against a wall, trying to figure out just what was so wrong here. It was as if his spider sense was tingling, if he had one, that is… and then he realized it: the Avengers weren't here. There was no need for them to be. With the Fantastic Four still in this dimension, the X-men relatively available, Cable away on Providence, and the New Avengers not even official, there was nothing for them to do. The Tower was all Tony's.

Taking advantage of this rare opportunity, Tony retreated to his lab. With all of his responsibilities and attempts to rebuild his fortune he'd neglected his one true passion…okay, his _second_ true passion. Tony Stark was a tech geek at heart. Even when he hadn't really had a heart, he'd been a tech geek at ark reactor.

He ran his hand over the smooth surface of his stainless steel workbench. In the silence, the sound of flesh on metal reverberated on the walls and Tony couldn't suppress a deep sigh of contentment (which, between this and their Quinjet excursion, he seemed to be doing a lot).

He sat down on his well-worn swivel chair, grabbing whatever was on the table in front of him, and prepared to enjoy himself. After thirty seconds of tense excitement, Tony realized that he had no idea what to work on.

He glanced at the cars. "I could tinker with those," he said hopefully, grabbing a nearby wrench. He looked at his 1990 Lambourghini Diablo, a beautiful antique. He hadn't played with that car in over a month. Twirling the wrench between his fingers, his face fell. "Why mess with an antique?"

He tapped the wrench on the table, the sound echoing off of the walls. His armor! Tony stood with a huge grin, turning his computer on with a quick command. It had sustained damage in the last fight, and even though he'd patched it up it could always do with an extra tune up, so to speak. With one look at it, though, he realized that it needed no tune up. He'd had his computer systems fix it the minute the Avengers had returned to the Tower.

He plopped back down in the chair, spinning himself around absently. The Quinjet? No, it was in good condition and he'd spent enough time in it to go play with it now. He spun in another circle. This was ridiculous. There was always something to do, something to play with when he'd had the time (and the money).

"Oh God," he growled to himself, resting his head in his hands. He realized the problem, had known it all along. He missed the incessant chatter of Peter's voice saying insanely irritating things, he missed Luke's sense of humor and interesting stories, Jessica's…well, body, and her ability to…well, look really good all the time, Logan's gruff remarks and bad attitude, and Steve's ability to just make everything make sense, even this ridiculous team.

"Damn," he snarled, tossing the wrench back onto the table, the clatter piercing his ears. It was worse than alcohol dependency. At least you knew there was always another bottle in the fridge. With people you had to think of their feelings and protect them. God, he missed the alcohol.

Tony left his dismal work station, climbing the stairs in a miserably. He hated being dependent. That had been such a problem with him for so long that, after kicking it, he hated to have it return in an even worse form.

In fact, he hated dependency so much that, unwittingly, he said "Phone" followed quickly by "Peter Parker."

"Hello?" Peter's voice seemed to emit from the walls, and suddenly Tony realized what he'd done.

"Dammit!"

"Tony! It's Tony obviously in an aside to Mary Jane. Hey boss, how's it hanging?"

"….."

"So what's up? Is everything ok? Just get my suit out. In the laundry?! Why? Mary Jane, I know it smells but it's going to keep smelling each time, so what's the point?"

"Don't bother with the suit, Pete, I'm just calling because…" Why was he doing this to himself? He was Tony Stark, nearly at the top of his game, inviting over one of the most annoying people in the world! "I was wondering if you and Mary Jane would like to come over to the Tower to watch a movie?" How did that happen?!

"Wow! Really? What movie, we have…well, a couple. We could bring some – a movie. No, you don't have to get dressed up, it's just Tony and everyone else. Sure, boss, we'll be right over. Awesome! See you soon!"

The phone clicked off and Tony stood in the middle of the room, his mind oddly blank. He trudged over to the couches and slumped onto the cushions, muttering "Phone" and "Steve Rogers."

"Hello?"

"Steve, I've made a huge mistake."

"What is it, Tony? Are you drunk?"

"I'm having a movie night. What? No. I wish I were, but no. Why would you think that?"

"You sounded like you were. A movie night?"

"Yeah. Bring a friend, if you want. And a movie. I don't trust whatever Parker brings."

And before he knew it, before he could stop himself, Tony had invited all of the New Avengers plus a guest to the Tower to watch a movie.

"Jarvis…" he called weakly from the same position on the couch. The butler poked his head in a few moments later.

"Yes, sir?"

"Jarvis, I need to you to get about twenty bags of popcorn going, ok? And some drinks."

"Having a movie night, are we, sir?"

"Unfortunately, yes. You can take off after the popcorn if you want. Or stay," Tony added with a shrug.

"Thank you, sir," Jarvis said, his voice carrying the merest hint of a smirk.

Peter was the first to arrive, Mary Jane webbed to his costume in some sort of disguise. The two were so happily in love it almost made Tony sick. "Hey, boss!" Peter said cheerfully, lowering Mary Jane from the ceiling with a web and then somersaulting down next to Tony.

"Hi, Peter."

"You feeling okay? You look a little ill."

"I'm great, Peter."

"You just couldn't get enough of us, huh?" Peter asked with a huge smile.

"Yeah…that's it."

"I'm just going to use the little girl's room, real quick, okay?" Mary Jane chuckled. "Webbing across New York City really takes it out of you."

When she'd gone, Peter pulled off his mask. "Hey, boss?"

"Yeah, Pete?"

Peter cleared his throat. "Thanks. For this, I mean."

Not bothering to lift his head from the cushions, Tony glanced over at him. He was picking at a nonexistent tear in his costume and his face was the slightest bit red. "For what?"

"This whole movie night…thing. It's just," Peter sighed, looking over at Tony with a sheepish look. "It's nice to be able to get out once in a while. For both of us. We can't really…I mean…"

Tony smiled, rolling his head over to face him. "You're welcome, Pete. You're welcome anytime you two just want to hang out. I mean it. It's a big lonely Tower, why not throw a little life into it now and then?"

"Thanks, Tony," Peter said softly. "Oh! We brought a few movies –"

"Oh, right, uh, yeah. Funny thing: Steve said he was going to bring a good one and, well he's Steve, and everything."

Within minutes the rest had arrived. Steve, true to form, had brought his favorite movie: Mr Smith Goes to Washington. Soon enough they were watching the film, Luke and Jess Jones leaning against the couch, Logan pretending to hate the movie from the arm of the sofa (though Tony thought he saw him tear up a bit when Jimmy Stewart was in front of Abe Lincoln), Steve on the couch with an extremely nervous Peter (who was still intimidated by Captain America) and Mary Jane. Jessica Drew had an armchair to herself and she was sprawled across it, her legs hanging over the side.

Tony stood a bit away, having retrieved a drink from the refrigerator, as Jarvis was sitting in a different armchair enjoying the film. For the first time since the Avengers had broken up, Tony didn't feel the need for alcohol, the need for something to fill the gaps in his life. He was content with this odd little team Steve had invented, and he was happy to be a part of it. He placed the untouched glass on a nearby table and sat back down next to Steve. He was damn happy to be a part of it.

"Hey, boss, were you in high school when this thing came out, or just a kid?"

Damn…_happy_…


End file.
